Death by “I don’t know”

Ok, maybe that’s a tad dramatic - but when you’re a mom of two teenagers and you’re a therapist, you’d think these little ladies would be able to open up a little more. I’m probably being too hard on them but I want to know ALL the details on ALL THE THINGS! I’m certain that’s an unrealistic request, given my girls are built-in besties, and mom doesn’t really need to know everything. Nonetheless, it got me thinking. Teens don’t have all the language to say all the things. I mean it took me years until I felt I was able to fully express myself, so why would I expect them to do the same? As parents, it's our job to model “the language”...Like instead of saying, “I’m fine” or “whatever” or even “It makes me feel some kind of way”, we can start to use more accurate language. Maybe “I’m hurt” or “I bit off more than I can chew and now I’m feeling overwhelmed” or “Damn, that really reminded me of when my ex said that and now I’m angry”, whatever the case may be, maybe we, as adults, can do a better job at modeling so that our kids can “learn the language”. Then, maybe, they will tell me all the things…Ha! Yeah right, and really we should not expect them to - we need to just make sure they can.

*As a side note, we don’t really need to know all the things. As a Xennial (you know, on the cusp of Gen X and Millenial) there was something kinda great about being able to learn the world through trial and error. I believe all kids need that. It helps build resilience, confidence and a sense of who they are and what they like. Also as a Xennial, I want to do a better job at supporting my kids when they need me, and the best way to do this is to teach them how they can communicate their own needs.